CO-PARENTING QUESTIONAIRE

There are important areas of communication and cooperation for co-parents in order to work together for the benefit of their child and themselves. The reward is a well adjusted child and a harmonious co-parenting relationship. When there is harmony in the co-parenting relationship, parents can move on with their lives and concentrate energy in other important aspects of their lives like other relationships and work. Conflict or cut-off in the co-parenting relationship is very draining and keeps one from being able to move forward in one's life.

Rate how you and your ex on doing on your co-parenting relationship by asking yourself the following questions. These questions are geared for parents who have joint custody.

Scheduling and Travel

Are you flexible with scheduling to permit for needed changes but not so flexible that things are never certain and always up for negotiation?

If you have a conflicted relationship with the other parent, do you stick to the visitation schedule in your parenting plan?

Do you share in transporting your child to the other parent's house?

Health

Do you communicate with the other parent about illnesses and accidents of your child?

Do you share in taking your child to doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments?

Do you share in taking time off work when your child is ill?

Mental/Emotional/Behavioral

Do you work on having similar discipline strategies for your child?

Do you listen to your child's problems in the other home but tell your child she must work it out with the other parent?

Do you express an interest in what your child did at the other home without prying?

Do you keep from telling your child not to discuss anything done at your home?

Do you communicate with each other about your child's adjustment in your home? This can include such things as repetitive discipline problems, major upsets, his relationship with new stepsiblings or children of your dating partner.

Spiritual

Do you allow your child to attend worship services with the other parent even if it is a different faith than your own?

Do you openly support whatever spirituality the other parent practices so that your child doesn't feel a conflict about it?

Do you communicate to the other parent what religious services you are going to take your child to if this is a change in church/temple or activity?

Family issues and changes

Do you communicate to your ex first about someone moving in, your getting married, or your plans to move before telling your child? This keeps your child out of the middle.

Do you tell your child it is all right to have a relationship with your ex's new partner and children and to like them?

Financial

Do you pay your obligations on time?

When you can't afford something your child wants, do you tell your child it isn't in the budget this month rather than say you can't afford it because dad doesn't pay enough child support or that all your money goes to mom?

School

Do you share in helping your child with homework and school projects so that it doesn't all have to be completed at one house?

Do you attend school conferences, open houses, concerts, and sporting activities?

Do you consider how your child will feel if you go to an activity with your new partner and the other parent will be there too? This often causes distress for the child unless both parents get along.

Clothes and belongings

Do you allow your child to take her belongings back and forth between homes so that she has her important items with her?

If clothes are kept primarily at one home, do you send most of them back clean?

Communication

Do you keep your communications business like, respectful, and non-blaming?

Do you communicate at least once every two weeks for a brief time but no more than twice a week on average?

Do you communicate directly with the other parent rather than have your child be a messenger?

Do you speak positively about the other parent to your child?

If you have a conflicted relationship, do you communicate primarily by email rather than on the phone and do you keep from discussing things in front of your child?

Do you keep communication primarily with the other parent rather than involving the new partner unless you have a good relationship or get along better with the new partner than your ex?

Extracurricular and Friend Activities

Do you check with the other parent before signing your child up for activities to let the other parent know about them and especially if that activity will fall sometimes on the other parents time? Your child can feel very torn between spending time with the other parent and attending an activity if the two of you haven't worked this out.

Do you tell your child you or he will have to check with the other parent before accepting an invitation to do something when it falls on the other parent's time?

Rate Yourself

If you answered no to less than five, you are doing a great job! Congratulate yourself.

If you answered no to between 5 and 9, your co-parenting relationship is going pretty well but you and the other parent have room for improvement. Note what areas seemed to have the most problems and work to improve them.

If you answered no to more than 10, you and the other parent need a lot of work for your child's well being and for your own.